How I’m Telling My Daughter I’m a Solo Mom by Choice

Lydia Desnoyers
Aug 18
4 min read

When you become a solo mom by choice, people are often curious about how you plan to talk to your child about how they came to be.

For me, the answer has always been simple: I don’t think I’ll need to. Let me explain.

Smiling single mom by choice holding her daughter wearing a floral dress. Bright room with white curtains and pink flowers. Joyful mood. — Laydi and I

From the very beginning, I knew I wanted an open and honest relationship with my daughter. I don’t want secrets in our home. I don’t want awkward or dramatic conversations years down the line. And I certainly don’t want to treat her story like something fragile or complicated.

Because it isn’t.

It’s a story built on intention, love, and joy.

Starting from Confidence

What made this emotionally easier for me was that I was 100% confident in my decision from day one.

I didn’t stumble into this. It wasn’t impulsive. It was a thoughtful, planned decision, and I’ve never questioned it. That certainty has been the foundation for how I talk about it.

If I treat our story as normal and beautiful, so will she. If I share it with pride, she’ll feel proud too.

How I’m Talking About It (Now That She’s 2!)

My daughter is two years old, and while she doesn’t understand everything just yet, I’m already talking to her about it.

When she was a baby, I practiced saying little things out loud like, “You definitely got that from your donor!” after a big burp. Silly moments like that helped me build comfort with the words.

Now, it’s become part of the stories I tell her. Simple, loving language she can grow into:

“Mommy wanted you so much. And with the help of a kind donor and some amazing doctors, you came to be. I’m the luckiest mom in the world.”

A solo mom by choice lovingly touches noses with a baby, both wrapped in pink. They're surrounded by soft white fur, creating a cozy, warm setting.

No dramatic sit-down talks. No complex explanations. Just honest, age-appropriate pieces of the truth, shared regularly and lovingly. And it’s not just about what I say directly to her. It’s also about how I talk about our family to others, because that sets the tone, too.

Families Come in All Shapes

Recently, I was out with a friend and her two small kids, a six-year-old and a three-year-old . We were walking and chatting when the six-year-old began to say something like, "My dad—" but then paused and asked, “Wait… does Laydi have a dad?”

Without skipping a beat, I said, “Nope! Our family is just Laydi and me.”

Paper cutout figures of diverse families holding hands, casting shadows on a warm, neutral background, symbolizing unity and togetherness.

He looked at me, said, “Okay,” and went right back to telling his story.

And that was it.

It was such a beautiful reminder that kids take their cues from us. When we show up with confidence and ease, they reflect it right back. I didn’t make it a big moment. I didn’t try to explain or soften the truth. I simply replied to it, and we kept going.

A Story, Not a Secret

Some families choose to wait until their kids are older to explain how they were conceived. That’s valid. Every family is different.

But I never want it to feel like a reveal in our home.

I want my daughter to grow up always knowing. To feel like her story is just a natural part of life. To understand it’s no different from having siblings or being an only child, having two moms or one parent, being raised by grandparents, or growing up in any other beautiful version of family. Children are remarkably open-minded. They accept their reality with incredible ease when it’s wrapped in love and truth.

Because it’s not a secret. It’s just their normal.

And when something is part of your everyday life, it doesn’t feel scary or dramatic. It feels like home.

Holding Space Without Pressure

Will she have questions one day? Probably. And I’ll prepare for them.

But I’m not walking through parenthood waiting for a crisis. I expect my daughter to grow up feeling proud of how she came to be. I hope she feels how deeply wanted she was and still is.

If she ever needs to talk more deeply, I’ll be there. If she wants a therapist or counselor to help her process, I’ll support that too. Not because something is wrong, but because everyone deserves space to process their story in their own way.

But again…I trust this will not be a “big thing” to us. It’s just life. It’s just love.

For Other Solo Moms by Choice Wondering Where to Start

If you’re a solo mother by choice, wondering when or how to tell your child, the best advice I got was this:

Start early. Keep it simple.

You don’t need a big speech or a milestone moment. You can begin with a sentence, a bedtime story, or a passing comment. The earlier you start, the more natural it becomes.