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Peace is the Foundation of my Single Motherhood by Choice Journey

Writer's picture: Lydia DesnoyersLydia Desnoyers

Becoming a Single Mom by Choice (SMBC) is one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences. There’s a lot of planning that goes into it, but no matter how much you plan, life has a way of throwing some curveballs. I went through both IUI and IVF, dealt with all the medications and hormones, moved to a new country, and had to adapt to a totally different environment. So you can imagine there were some bumps along the way.

Mom  with child stands on sandy beach near ocean waves. Clear blue sky and footprints in sand enhance the peaceful, sunny setting.

But from the start, I made a promise to myself: I would choose peace throughout this journey. I wasn’t going to let stress and worry take over. Even when things didn’t go as planned, I would remind myself to stay calm and positive. I knew it would not happen automatically, but I was - and still am - willing to put in the work.


Peace is an Active Pursuit

Peace isn’t something that just happens. It’s not a passive state that you fall into. It’s something you must actively pursue every single day. Life will throw challenges, surprises, and moments of chaos your way – especially when becoming an SMBC, but peace is something you can choose in those moments.


Choosing peace doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or pretending everything is perfect. It means creating a mindset that allows you to manage life’s ups and downs without losing yourself in stress or anxiety. You have to be intentional about your energy because it directly impacts both you and your child. Some days will feel easier than others, but the key is to keep going, even when it’s hard.


Learning to Choose Peace

When I started IUI, I went in with a calm mindset. I knew it might take time, so I stayed grounded and focused on the process. When the first attempt didn’t work and I got a negative pregnancy test, I reminded myself, “It’s okay. We’ll try again.” The nurse called to check on the result, and when I told her it was negative, she asked, “Are you okay?” I replied, “Yeah, I’m okay. I knew this might take time. What’s the next step?” She seemed surprised by how calm I was. But that feeling came from my decision to prioritize peace.


The second IUI hit differently. When I saw another negative test, I won’t lie—I was crushed. I wanted it so badly. The anxiety set in, and I felt like everyone around me expected me to be pregnant. That’s when it hit me: this stress was exactly what I didn’t want. It wasn’t in line with the journey I had envisioned. So I let myself feel the disappointment, reminded myself of my promise, and chose peace.


After the 2 failed IUIs I decided to take a break. I didn’t want to push forward when my mind and body were full of stress. I needed to let go of the pressure. I trusted that when the time was right, I’d know. During that break, I focused on living life. I explored the island, made new friends, partied a little, and even dated. It was exactly what I needed to reset and reconnect with my original goal.

A single mom by choice  in a purple tank top with the text "Working on a Miracle with Love, Faith & a Little Science," wearing a mask, stands inside a fertility clinic
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When I felt ready, I dove back into the process. I was determined to stay calm. I knew stress wouldn’t help me. I wanted to create an environment, both inside myself and around me, that was nurturing and positive. And when I finally got a positive test, I kept that same energy throughout my pregnancy.


The Impact of Peace on Motherhood

When my daughter arrived, people often commented on how chill she was. I really believe her “chillness” reflects the peace I surrounded myself with during my journey. I set the tone for her to thrive even before she was born.

Mom  and baby smiling at each other, wrapped and seated on a white furry blanket. Warm, intimate setting with soft pink tones.

I’ll be honest. Now that she’s in the toddler phase, she has her moments. But I still notice she calms down and has the ability to bounce back quickly.


As an SMBC, there will always be things that try to mess with your peace. Whether it’s unexpected challenges or unsolicited advice, you can’t control everything. But what you can control is how you react. Peace won’t just fall into your lap; it’s something you must actively pursue, even on the toughest days. You get to choose peace.


How to Maintain Peace

Here are a few things that helped me along the way:

  • Surround Yourself with the Right People: Find a circle of friends, family, or other SMBCs who support and uplift you.

  • Practice Self-Care: Take time for yourself – whether that’s journaling, meditating, or seeing a therapist to help keep your mind grounded.

  • Set Boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no when you need to. You don’t have to take on everything that comes your way.

  • Stay Present: Focus on what you can control right now. Don’t waste energy on worrying about things that might never happen.


A Lifelong Commitment to Peace

This journey doesn’t stop when your baby arrives. Peace is something that continues to guide me every day as a mom. It shapes how I handle challenges and how I appreciate the good moments. Remember that how you feel affects your child too because it is the energy you bring into their life.


Choosing peace isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. By making it your foundation, you create a life where you and your child can thrive, no matter what life throws your way.


Woman and child smiling near a red slide in a park. Other children and adults are in the background. Sunlight filters through the trees.

If you're considering this path, know that it’s worth it—and you don’t have to do it alone. I offer 1:1 ‘Ask Me Anything’ sessions where we can talk through your goals, worries, and everything in between. From there, we can build a financial plan or work together over six weeks to guide you through the most important decisions. Let’s talk!

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