Less Pressure, More Pleasure: Redefining Dating After Freezing My Eggs

I always heard that if you’re going to freeze your eggs, you should do it no later than the age of 35 because after that, fertility really starts to drop. And there I was: 35, single, and with a few relationships that just didn’t work out for one reason or another. I wasn’t upset. I just knew I had to do something, and freezing my eggs felt like taking back some control. So I did.

Single at 35 on my trip to Sri Lanka in 2019. Just a few weeks after freezing my eggs.

Dating with My Ovaries at the Table

What I didn’t realize at the time was how much it would change the way I dated.  

Before freezing my eggs, even if I wasn’t consciously thinking “This guy has to be my husband” while on dates, there was this lurking feeling that, since I want to be a mom, this date had to lead to marriage. It was like my ovaries were a third wheel on the date, quietly sitting at the table, reminding me of my biological clock.

The Pressure to Do It the "Right" Way

I was dating with the mindset that society ingrained in me: get married, then have kids. Which is ironic because my parents divorced when I was young, and I was raised by my widowed grandmother, so that should have given me comfort that it’s okay to not have a traditional family. But I always thought, I’ll do it the “right” way. I’ll get married first, then become a mom.

That mindset only pushed me to stay in relationships with the wrong people. I wasn’t seeing them for who they were, I was seeing them for who I needed them to be to fulfill the vision I had.

The Relationship That Snapped Me Out of It

There’s one guy who really stands out, my last real relationship before freezing my eggs. He was the kind of guy who always prioritized his friends, but I told myself that as long as he still made time for me, it was fine. I thought maybe he’d grow out of it, or I’d eventually become important enough that he’d start choosing me first.

But then one night, I was at his house, waiting inside because we were supposed to have dinner. He told me he was 15 minutes away. Then… nothing. I waited. Fifteen minutes turned into an hour, then two, then three. I kept calling. No answer.

At around 3 a.m., I called his best friend in another state. That friend got in touch with him, and then called me back and casually said, “He’s fine.” Turns out, he picked up his friend’s call, but ignored mine. That was it for me.

He came home later, drunk. I was so disgusted with him, the situation, and myself. I remember crying that night and thinking, “This is only going to get worse. I’m dealing with this as a single woman…I can’t imagine dealing with this while raising his child!” I wanted to leave, but I was so shaken and upset that it honestly didn’t feel safe to drive. But the next morning, before he even woke up, I packed my stuff and left. That was the last time I saw him. Why did I let it go that far? Why did I ignore the red flags for so long? Did I mention this relationship was on and off for seven years?

Freezing My Eggs Changed the Way I Loved

Fast forward a few years. Freezing my eggs gave me space to breathe. It gave me the peace of mind to say, “I can become a mom later. I don’t need to rush into a relationship just because of my biological clock.”

And with that pressure gone, I started dating differently. I stopped feeling pressured and asking myself,  “Are you the one?”. I was just dating. Talking to people. Going to dinner. Learning about them. I could now spot red flags that I might have overlooked before. But now it was easier to just move on.

Dating Became Fun Again

Dating actually became more fun because now I didn’t feel a sense of urgency to meet a husband. I became more relaxed, almost aloof about it all, and somehow that made men more interested. You could even say I had a few guys on rotation, not in an intimate way, just simple things like dinners, going out, chatting. I wasn’t overthinking dating or life in general. I was just enjoying singlehood.

At one point, I even took a month-long vacation through Southeast Asia with a few friends. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. An experience I’ll always be grateful for, especially because just a few months later, everything changed.  

Choosing Motherhood on My Own Terms

That’s when the pandemic hit, and dating stopped. That time off gave me even more clarity. I realized I wasn’t just open to being a mom, I was determined to become one. And if that meant doing it alone, I was okay with that.

That’s when the idea of becoming a Single Mom by Choice really came into focus.

I cut ties with all the ideas I had about what my life should look like. I moved from Miami to Barbados, where I had frozen my eggs and where fertility options were more affordable. I could now skip the marriage part and jump straight into motherhood—and I did. I became a mom on my own terms. With peace as a priority.

Nowadays, I don’t feel any urgency to date. I’m not saying I’ll never be open to it. I trust myself to know if/when I am ready to date again. Maybe I’ll hop on a dating app or stand under a sign (haha!)

But right now? I’m good. I’m whole. I’ve realized that the end goal for me was never becoming a wife, it was becoming a mom.

This Is Just My Story

And just to be clear, this is my story and I’m aware that this journey might not be for everyone. I deeply admire women who say motherhood isn’t for them. I also respect women who want to wait until they find the right partner, or who want the traditional family setup. Families come in all shapes and sizes. This is just the one that was right for me.

I’m all about having options, so if you're considering the SMBC path and have questions—from making the initial decision to choosing a donor, going through IVF, or navigating everything in between—I’m here to support you. And because money is a big part of the journey, I bring my CPA brain along to help you plan it all out financially. If this is on your mind, let’s chat. My Ask Me Anything sessions are here for exactly that. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.